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Sunday, October 23, 2016

Space Center Staff Discover Evidence of the Stella Fortissimi - Sci-Fi Neanderthals . Flight Director Mesmerized by Clock. The Odyssey Celebrates Its Third Anniversary

Space Center Staff Discover Perplexing Sidewalk Art, Evidence that Sci-Fi  Neanderthals - the Stella Fortissimi - Still Exist. 

     The Space Center's Department for the Study of Science Fiction and the Primitive Mind uncovered evidence that the Stella Fortissimi still exist and are living amongst us. Chalk art left behind on the Space Center's doorstep indicate a recent visitation.  
     Tyler and Lindsey examined the artwork, "Well, this artwork tells us that the Stella Fortissimi are indeed out there in our communities," explained Tyler. "And as you can see from the quality of the are that these people have some talent - surprising considering their smaller brain capacity."  
     "Not only are they limited cognitively," Lindsey added, "they also have a difficult time separating fantasy from reality. They worship these characters and hold to this archaic believe in some kind of universal Force that binds all living things together."
     Tyler nodded in agreement. "Like a religion."  
     "Yes, much like a religion." Lindsey shook her head disapprovingly. "You really pity these people."   

Tyler examining a drawing of a character the Stella Fortissimi call "Darth Vader" 


     "Today's modern man has evolved to understand and appreciate a science fiction centered in science and something we purists call 'technobabble'.  You, me, Tyler... all of us in proper society are identified by a belief that mankind can rise above the pettiness and destructiveness  associated with a desire for things. We are the Iter in Astris.  We are the Star Trekkers," Lindsey expounded as she examined a portrait of some type of Stella Fortissimi alien believed to possess great wisdom, yet able to kill with only a thought if needed. 


     "Disgusting," she mummered. "Whoever did this, on the very doorstep of this Iter in Astris Temple, must be found and helped."  
     "And if they are too far gone to be reeducated?" I asked.
     "Sadly, many of them are; which is why it's important to capture them when they're young and teachable.  Remember though, we are dealing with a form of human with limited cognitive capabilities. We're not even sure they're self aware. We use behavioral conditioning techniques like rewards and punishments, to modify their thinking. It is the only rehabilitation available once they're this far gone." 

     I noticed a young Iter in Astris disciple admiring one of the sidewalk drawings. "Cool," he mumbled as he examined the brilliant colors. "The Stella Fortissimi call it a Stormtrooper."
     "You see how it appeals to the undisciplined mind," Tyler said pointing to the young novice. "This is what we have to guard against. Once a mind is infected with this backward science fiction, raw emotions and primitive instincts emerge."
     "Raw meat," Linsey whispered.  I asked her to explain.
     "Next he'll be asking for raw meat. I've seen it before. Then comes violent behaviors with sticks being used as some kind of Stella Fortissimi weapon called light sabers."  She told the boy to get into the building at once and report to his assigned simulator.  He complied.
     Tyler followed. "I'm getting a hose."  
     "Barbarians at the gate," Lindsey added. "We need to be more careful who we allow in. You don't know what kind of diseases they carry."  

Flight Director Mesmerized by Recently Installed Galileo Fan Clock

    Galileo Set Director Erin has recently found a certain satisfaction in watching the workings of a newly installed fan / clock combination.  I found her in the first stages of a hypnotic trance while visiting the Space Center on Saturday. 
     "Pretty," she repeated over and over again. "Do you want to know the time?" 
     "May I see the clock?" I asked gently. 
     "It's 3:16. Now look. It's 3:17.  Wait, and I'll tell you the time when it changes again." 
     I asked again to see the clock. She growled. I moved away slowly, giving her a non-threatening buffer zone. "Erin, you've got a crew waiting in the lobby.  You've got to put the clock away and go to work."  
     She moved her face dangerously close to the fan's spinning blades. "Time is such an ethereal thing, always moving forward, never back, taking us all on a journey into an unknown future and..... death."  
     I went to get the Manager on Duty. I knew Jon would know how to bring her back from the brink. He's done it many times on a Saturday, especially after the staff have flown three back to back missions and find themselves at wit's end with their cars; always looking for the warp speed button instead of the gas pedal. 
     We've set up a GoFundMe page to get Erin the help she so desperately needs.  
     If you, or anyone you know, suffers from a time, breeze, and color combination disorder please contact your nearest mental health practitioner. Do it before it's too late.   
The Odyssey II Celebrates Its Third Anniversary 

Odyssey Set Director Natalie Anderson

     The Odyssey II, the second generation Odyssey simulator, celebrated its third anniversary last week.  The new Odyssey was the last ship I had a hand in creating before retiring from the Space Center in May 2013.  The original Odyssey was decommissioned and demolished during the remodel of 2012-2013.  Megan Warner, my assistant director at the time, became Space Center Director upon my retirement and oversaw the building of the ship. 
     The new Odyssey is a beauty and much safer than its predecessor. It doesn't have protruding screws in hatchways guaranteed to require stitches if contact is made :) 
So while safer, the new Odyssey lacks the engineering crawl space, hatches, bunks, and turning door which gave the original Odyssey personality.  It was a trade off we had to make; safer and insurable, over personality.  It's the same tradeoff every simulator builder faces.  Of course, in today's world, we err toward the safer ship.  

Mr. Williamson    

Theater Imaginarium 
The best gifs of the week, assiduously edited for gentler audiences, minors, and the terminally offended

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Space Center Executives Honored. Local Gallifreyan Time Lord Amazes All. Space Center Continues to Train New Flight Directors Despite Unease Over Pending National Election. The Imaginarium.

Space Center Executive Staff Honored!

     Space Center Director James Porter, along with Jon Parker, Space Center Sub Commander, were recently honored by being placed on Central Elementary School's Faculty and Staff Bulletin Board.  Realizing the complete insignificance of the honor, Mr. Porter could barely summon what many would call an forced and regrettable smile. Mr. Parker, on the other hand, having never been honored by anything more than his Arrow of Light Cub Scout Award, was pleased as punch to be included and honored. 
     "I take what I can get," he was quoted as saying when his picture was finally put on the board after the many, many reminders he sent to the school secretary by phone, email, and courier pigeon.  Only upon Mr. Porter's insistence was action taken.  
     Mr. Parker was notified to arrive early for the photo. I've heard from my well placed sources at the Space Center that Jon was up an hour early to shower, shave, deodorize and accessorize for the official portrait.  
     Speaking for everyone here at The Troubadour let me say "Well Done Jon!". That photo's a keeper for sure.  

Mr. Williamson       

Local Gallifreyan Time Lord Amazes All with Yet Another Timepiece

     Local Time Lord Mason amazed everyone at the Space Center when he emerged from the depths of the old USS Voyager, where his Tardis is prudently parked near the Sick Bay, wearing yet another Gallifreyan Universal Coordinated Timepiece on his wrist.  
     "Don't think I don't have a life," Mason replied when a reason was requested by a visiting unkempt space cadet sporting an unusual amount of nasal drainage.  Obviously the boy was unaware of who (or what) he was speaking to.  "Not only do I offer my assistance here at the Space Center," Mason continued his explanation. "I'm worn to the bone tracking events needing my attention in multiple times and locations universe wide. These unique instruments help me keep to a demanding and grueling schedule. The fact that you're alive and dripping on the floor is a testament to my work. How does a run in with a crazed rabid tiger about to devour the first of your evolutionary species sound to you. It all happened.. "
     "Cool," the boy interrupted. "Where can I get one of those watches?" He raised his arm to use as a tissue before pointing to the center orange timepiece on Mason's wrist. 
     Obviously annoyed by an obvious lack of understanding, Mason could only ask the boy to move along to the restrooms.  "Wash your hands and arm," he demanded.      

Mason's Collection Continues to Grow,
Where it will end, Nobody knows.
Space Center Continues to Train New Flight Directors Despite Unease Over Pending National Election

Lissa Training to Flight Direct in the Phoenix
Tyler Training to become an Odyssey Flight Director
     Despite having received a memo from Alpine School District Assistant Superintendent Vicki Carter warning the schools in her area that her office has received multiple emails, phone calls, and letters regarding a massive exodus of Utah Valley residents to Canada after national elections on November 8th, Mr. James Porter continues to show optimism in the American system by continuing to train flight directors for the Space Center's many simulators.  
     "Yes, there is a risk that up to half the district's students may be enrolling in Canadian schools over the next couple months, but I for one don't believe it.  I think that cooler heads will prevail and all will be normal once the brouhaha dies down and our partons accept their fate with dignity and courage," Mr. Porter, a lifelong optimist, explained. 
     Knowing the Space Center is planning for a long and prosperous future brings a sense of calm to the troubled communities of the Alpine School District.  Thank you Space Center.

Mr. Williamson

The Imaginarium