Do You Need A Chuckle? Read On.

Hello Troops,
Below you'll find the wisdom of the ages condensed into short, semi-digestable morsels.
Enjoy your time in this post.
After reading them I added another item to my growing wish list for my 51st birthday party candle blow out. I wish I could someday be clever enough to write observations like this.
Now I close with an old Irish proverb, "May the Ground rise up to meet you". I haven't a clue what that means but I'm beginning to think it was written under the influence of a couple pints of Guiness in a country pub fifty miles outside of Dublin.

Soberly Yours,
Mr. Williamson

The Wisdom of the Ages

• A day without sunshine is like… night.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99.5% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• Remember, half the people you know are below average.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
• Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
• Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• "How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand..."
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• If everything seems to be going well, you obviously have overlooked something.
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have enough film.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Inside every older person is a younger person wondering "What happened?!"