Does your kitchen look like this on Thanksgiving Day?
I'm hoping everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Our family's Feastorama was held at my niece's home in Highland. Around 65 family members attended. The upmarket family members were dressed in their fineries as if they were eating at a nice restaurant. The more practical of us (those who don't care what anyone thinks) came in our finest sweatpants with elastic stretchable waistbands.
At family gatherings like this, our family's table discussions can turn heated. We have a broad range of political affiliations in our family, especially between the older and younger generations. We have the right and left wings of the family along with those who's beliefs border dangerously close to socialism. Me personally, I'm a card carrying independent whose opinions are fine tuned to be exactly the opposite of whatever group I'm sitting with. If I'm surrounded by hard core Republicans, I preach the gospel of free health care and free education. Once the table has agreed on my heretical state and fantasize of burning me at the stake, I excuse myself to go hunting for unsuspecting tables. Usually there is a liberal - progressive conclave needing to be disturbed by my ramblings on the last rigged election and my thoughts supporting a more radical implementation of the 2nd amendment.
Do I believe what I'm saying? Most of the time I don't. I say what I say to inflame passions until all around me are frothing at the mouth and hyperventilating. It's good entertainment for myself and those who know what I'm doing. I am a connoisseur of chaos and a disrupter of the peace. "Keep 'em guessing," is my motto.
My methods also work nicely with the various religious factions in the family. We have the High Mormons, Middle Mormons, and Lost Mormons in addition to those who've converted to humanism. I have talking points for each group prepared ahead of time. Each point is guaranteed to produce a negative reaction. The response I got from the High Mormons after hearing my testimony of reincarnation was well worth the fact that I'll be excluded from certain email strings and multiple text messages in the short future. My phone will remain silent for the next little while until someone needs something from me.
When all is said and done, I remind the family that we are a loving family that respects and cherishes diversity because diverse is what this family is, like so many others in our modern world.
The special place out back and around by the chicken coop for those needing their tobacco and coffee. While I don't do either, I find these family members refreshing because they cling to the old ways from the home counties of western Montana and the Black Hills of South Dakota
No comments:
Post a Comment