A New Year's Greeting From the Director

Hello Troops,
Christmas is over. The New Year has taken its watch, properly toasted and saluted by all I'm sure. January 5th, the day dreaded by students worldwide, dawns in a few days. School bells will ring. Teachers will arrive first to ready their lessons, stoke the coal fires, and review their list of sarcastic remarks intended to put overly sugared students back into their proper places. One hour after teachers arrive, students will slither back into the classrooms calming themselves by repeating the date of the next holiday in a meditative style. It is all quite sobering – isn't it?

"Do I look like I'm happy to be back!?"

I'll be back in my role as crossing guard on the street at 8:30 A.M. I take a lot of abuse on the first day back from Christmas Vacation. I do my best to properly greet each child but I wouldn't place a wager on the number of optimistic responses I get back. Usually the children return dirty looks to my friendly greeting. Some spit. Others throw snowballs. The younger ones like to kick me in the shin. Its all OK. Teachers will always have the last laugh. Remember, once these darling students are in their seats they are under our control. They are caged animals.

Cherish Prudence, Student Class President photographed the morning
of the first day back from Christmas Vacation.

I like to start the day by dragging my fingernails across the blackboard. Once I have their attention I list five hours of homework assignments on the board with a note saying, “Due Tomorrow”. That always gets their attention. Big tears form in the corners of their eyes. They are beaten down and submissive. Then I start the positive reinforcement. If I hear a positive comment about my lesson or appearance I’ll erase one of the assignments. Soon, just like Pavlov’s dog, I’ve got them trained. They remember to use the toilet, they eat with knife and fork, they use a Kleenex to wipe their ever running noises, and stop using their index finger to probe their nasal cavities. After a few hours they start to resemble proper young ladies and gentlemen. By the end of the day they are speaking the Queen’s English and controlling their bodily functions. Its all good.

Students After a Day of Retraining

I'm hoping each of you had a good vacation and will be ready to return to school and the Space Center.
"Is Mr. Williamson ready?" you ask. My answer comes in three parts.

1. Yes, I'm ready to return to school and get back to running the Space Center.
2. Yes, I'm ready to enlighten the minds of my sixth graders with new Pre- Algebra concepts.
3. No, I'm not ready to jump back into missions for one simple reason – I always forget whole sections of my flights.

You see, the older you get the less memory you have to work with. Years ago long breaks were no problem. Monday I'll sit in the Voyager ready to tell my mission and find I can't get the correct memories to surface. "What's the song I play here?" I'll ask Metta. "What do I say here?" I'll shout out to anyone listening. "What comes next on the video?" I'll ask a sixth grader whose glance of confusion will mirror my memory to a stitch. The remedy is to spend some time on Saturday reviewing my notes and watching the video for the billionth time. It won't take long for autopilot to kick in and away 'll go unhindered until Spring Break.

As Director of the Space Center and ‘Boss’ to many of you I feel it prudent to take a moment at the start of this new year and share bits of wisdom I’ve learned over the years .
Remember, I’m from South Dakota, a beautiful state many of you have never heard of. It lies below North Dakota (as if that helps any of you place it on the map). Contrary to what you’ve heard, South Dakota has indoor plumbing, highways, and airports. The Denver to Deadwood Stagecoach stopped running years ago. You can visit the State without fear of Indian attacks. And best of all, South Dakota doesn’t have a state income tax! The American Dream is alive and well in this capitalist oasis on the northern plains.

Luella Mae Stump, South Dakota Director of Tourism on the upcoming Superbowl commercial: "Come see the Beauty of the West in South Dakota!" (side note: South Dakota has a severe shortage of dentists
but you won't find a better buffalo burger anywhere)

I was raised in rural South Dakota. This is cowboy country. Cowboys have a unique, down to earth wisdom that seems to apply to anyone no matter what side of the tracks you come from. So, to get 2009 off to a good start, here is some excellent Cowboy Wisdom I've picked up over the years. Get you cowboy boots and 10 gallon hat on, play a good western CD and get ready to get yerself educated.

• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• Don't squat with your spurs on.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
• Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

"I got a fire goin' and the biscuits are hot. I'll be waiten for ya."

Now I‘ll be plannin’ on hitching up the horse and goin’ after the strays. Ya’ll enjoy the next few days of yer freedom. If ya’ll have some spare time get yer horse and come on out and help me check the fences. Bundle tight, It’ll be colder than a mother in law’s kiss out there.

Mr. Williamson

After serious & cautious consideration . . .

Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2009!

It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2009

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words . . . May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!

FaceBook. The Confederacy of Dunces.

Hello Troops,
My nephew flew to Argentina to serve a mission last Friday. For the most part he is a good kid, at least on Tuesdays from Noon to 2:00 P.M. when the sun is out and the temperature is between 60 and 75 degrees. The church is turning him loose on the Argentines the same way you release your German Shepard on the UPS man that failed to deliver your holiday packages. At the end of his two years I'll bet Argentina will redirect its hatred for the British with a new fear and loathing for America - all thanks to one seemingly sweet and innocent 19 year old lad (at least on Tuesdays from Noon to 2:00 P.M. when the sun is out and the temperature is between 60 and 75 degrees) who breached their solidly Catholic defenses.
I can be a calming influence on Brayden so I feel it my duty to keep in touch but this poses a bit of a problem. He is allowed to email his parents only. This means all news is distributed by my lovely (an adjective used purely to help bring her out of her holiday blues) sister Jilane. You see, she has an exotic personality quirk. When everyone around her is happy she is miserable and when everyone around her is miserable she is happy. Let me explain.
When she was a child her left eye had its own personality. It always pointed 40 degrees away from where her right eye was looking. Strangers were thrown off by it. They never knew what eye to look at when they spoke to her. Of course this also gave her the misperception that everything in the world came in twos because she saw everything double. My brothers and sisters took bets when she started to walk on whether she would pick the right doorway. One image was the proper doorway and the other was the double created by her lazy eye. Fifty percent of the time she would walk into the wall. The roof would raise with laughter.
Surgery was required. She was admitted to the hospital. In South Dakota we like to do things the hard way so the surgeons removed her brain to get to the eye. The eye's muscles were repaired and the brain reinstalled. Unfortunately we think the brain was put in upside down causing her to act in an opposite way. Hence, when we're happy she's not and when she's happy we're not.
To make a long story shorter, I asked her to forward Brayden's missionary emails to me. Because I asked politely - she rudely said 'no'.
"If you want to read Brayden's emails and see his pictures you'll need to create a Facebook account. It is the only way so get out of the 18th century and join us in the modern world," she answered.
"What's Facebook?" I replied, knowing it must be some Internet thing. I was directed to its web site. Now I'm not stupid, and after several hours I understood the reasoning behind this seemingly useless application. Facebook seems to be a place for people to write things about themselves nobody in the world cares to read. There is also a place for you to put pictures nobody will ever look at. You can even tell everyone what you are doing at that exact moment - as if anyone had the time to be bothered.
"I get it, Facebook has created a place to spy on your neighbors and friends with their permission. Instead of standing at the window peering through a crack in the blinds you can access everyone online and see what they are doing. It has created a new Internet land - The Confederacy of Dunces! " I said with the gleam of understanding.
"You're stupid, You've always been stupid , you will always be stupid and you will die stupid," was her response. "Get a Facebook account and you get all the news. Stay off the Matrix and continue to live your life offline. You'll die a painful solitary death. I mean how will we know when you kick the bucket if its not posted on Facebook?" She gave me that look of having mentally check mated me. I let it go.
So........... I'm announcing to the world that I have a Facebook Account. I'm in the Matrix. I'm connected. The chip has been implanted into my brain. The Government can read my thoughts.
Privacy is as old as last week's casserole.
Now, I'd better stop this post and get back to my Facebook account to update everyone on what I'm doing right now. But wait, once I write what I'm doing right now then it wouldn't be right now it would be right then? That means I'd have to write something else in the Right Now box but only to find it immediately becomes Right Then....... OH Crap.... I'm falling behind every second I'm not updating my Facebook.
(Mr. Williamson is writing in his facebook)
(Mr. Williamson is breathing)
(Mr. Williamson is getting out of his chair to get a drink)
(Mr. Williamson is wondering if the world will stop long enough for him to get off)

Space Center News in Brief

Voyager
• The Voyager’s summer story of 2009 is finished.
• Alex Debirk returns as a Flight Director. He begins in January. He will work every other Saturday and one other evening per week. Alex will be taking the occasional overnight camp when Brady or Bradyn need a weekend off.
• Spenser Robinson has worked on several Voyager repair projects. We are doing our best to keep the Voyager in tip top shape.

Odyssey
• The Odyssey’s staff is working on a new summer story.
• The Odyssey dial and switch station has been removed. Matt is refurbishing the panels with heavy duty switches that can withstand the abuse of day to day use.
• There are other repairs in the works, especially a few pieces of black plastic in the Odyssey’s engineer section.
• The Odyssey is getting more and more requests for the Junior Program.
• BJ received a mission call to Japan. He leaves the Space Center in March.
• Rachel H. and Todd R. are training to become Odyssey Flight Directors.

I want to thank Emily Perry for the extra time she takes working as Odyssey Set Director. Emily has a real love for the Center and her simulator. She had an accident a few days before Christmas break. He car was totaled but she is OK. Emily really needs a car. I’m hoping someone out there reading this has a good, cheap used car Emily can buy.

Galileo
• The Galileo is maintained by a dedicated staff led by Stacy Carroll.
• The Galileo staff spend most of their free time working on the controls for the new Galileo.
• The new Galileo is under construction at BYU. We were selected as one of BYU’s Capstone Projects. Our new ship should be delivered this Spring. We hope to have it ready for the summer camp season.
• Bridger and his staff of programmers are working with Stacy on the controls. The Galileo will be our first simulator programmed in Apple’s programming language - Cocoa.
• Kyle Herring is leading the Galileo redesign team. He is working closely with Alex Debirk, Stacy Carroll and the BYU team to ensure our new ship is perfect from day one.

I want to thank the entire Galileo team for their hours and hours of unpaid time. They are working hard to bring our students and patrons the finest simulator ever built at the Space Center. The spirit of volunteerism lies at the very heart of the Space Center. This Galileo team represents this spirit at its finest. Thanks Stacy, Kyle, Alex, Taylor, Rachel and all the others that make the Galileo one of the favorite ships at the Space Center.

Magellan
• The Magellan has a new Engineering Section installed by Matt Long. This new feature lies in the hallway just off the Magellan’s Bridge.
• Spencer Robinson finished several repair projects in the Magellan. One problem solved is the hanging rope lighting.
• The black plastic covering the computer screens is a constant repair problem in the Magellan. We don’t have a solution yet but are working on a few options.
• Mark Daymont has a couple of new stories in development for summer of 2009.

Phoenix
• Way to Go Megan! Megan is another one of our Awesome Set Directors. She has pride in the Phoenix and puts in hour after hour of unpaid time working on repairs and improvements.
• The Phoenix is following the example set by the Galileo team and has regular scheduled staff meetings to discuss problems and fine solutions.
• The Phoenix has a new dial and switch station behind the Captain’s Chair.
• The Phoenix control room will get a complete make over next week.
• We worry about the Phoenix. The new Galileo will hold 6 students. The Phoenix holds 6 students. The new Galileo will move. This will put the Phoenix at a disadvantage for missions and missions mean income for the Space Center and the Phoenix staff. We are working as a Phoenix staff to find ways to make the Phoenix
unique. The Phoenix invites input from anyone on ways to improve their programs. Send your ideas to Mr. Williamson through the Space Center’s Contact Us web page.

General News
• Dave Daymont has finished the designs for new simulator pins.
• The Space Center’s gift shop carries new simulator pins for the Voyager and Phoenix. New pins are ordered for the Galileo and Magellan. The Odyssey pin will be ordered this week.
• You may purchase Space Center pins, hats and T-Shirts in the Center’s Discover Room.
• The Space Center has hired Brian Bennion as an evening custodian. Central’s custodial staff leave the school at 8:00 P.M. Our programs go to 9:00 P.M. Often our customers make messes in the school’s hallways and bathrooms after they were cleaned. Brian comes in at 9:00 P.M. and cleans up after us. The school is always
clean and ready for Central’s teachers and students the next day.

What is Happening to the Land Next to the School?
• Alpine School District purchased the old church building and land next to Central School.
• The old church, originally built in 1893, has been demolished. It was the site of the first Central School. Back then it was called the ‘District School’.
• Mr. Williamson met with District officials before Christmas Break to discuss the future use of the land. The following items were discussed.
A. The land will be used for a new parking lot for the school.
B. The District may, in the future and if money is available, build a new Space Center on the land. Of course there is no money at the present and may not be if the economy
doesn’t improve. Unless the Center can raise two million dollars any new Space Center plans must be placed on hold until a decision is made to include the Center in the District’s next bond proposal.
C. The District asked Mr. Williamson to design a new Space Center Building for the open land next ot the school. The district will build a new parking lot with the Space
Center’s building in mind so in the future the land would be ready for construction if and when money is available.

• Mr. Williamson has ordered all improvements to the Space Center Be put on hold for the next few years. The Center will be maintained for quality but all remodeling plans will be stopped. All current and future money raised will be reserved for the possibility of a new Space Center building. We have the land, now we need the money
to design and build a Center the way we want.

The Space Center wishes to thank our friends, students and staff for their hard work and dedication.