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Tuesday, January 1, 2019

I'm Back to School Tomorrow. Those Kids Better Be On Their Best...Plus Cowboy Wisdom to Start the Year. Finally, The Imaginarium.

Hello Troops,

Christmas is over and 2019 has been properly toasted and saluted by all who could stay up that late (certainly not me). For me tomorrow is the first day back to school. Teachers will arrive first to ready their lessons, stoke the coal fires, and review their list of sarcastic remarks intended to put overly sugared students back into their proper place. One hour after teachers arrive, students will sulk back into the classrooms asking that same question they ask every year, "Are we going to do any work today?  Please say NO. We just got back."

"Do I look like I'm happy to be back!?"

I'll do my best to properly greet each child as they saunder into class but I wouldn't place a wager on the number of optimistic replies. Usually I get your garden variety  of moans and groans. Some remarks are borderline offensive. It doesn't bother me because I will always have the last laugh. Once these darling students are seated they are under my control; trapped with nowhere to go and no one to save them.

Cherish Prudence photographed the morning
of the first day back from Christmas Vacation.

I like to start the day by blowing my ACME EarBuster 2000 whistle available only with a Homeland Security clearance. Once I have their attention I'll write a list on the whiteboard titled "Due Tomorrow". Under the title I'll write five hours of homework assignments. That always gets their attention. 

Once they are humble and submissive I'll start the positive reinforcement. If I hear a positive comment about my lesson or appearance I’ll erase one of the assignments. In no time everything is ship shape. They'll remember to use the toilet, they will return to eating with a knife and fork, they'll use a Kleenex to wipe their ever running noses, and stop using their index finger to probe their nasal passages. By noon they should resemble proper young ladies and gentlemen. By the end of the day they will be speaking the Queen’s english and be in full control of their bodily functions. It will all turn out good.

Students After a Day of Retraining

I'm hoping each of you had a good vacation, are rested and ready to return to a routine.

May I start this new year with a few bits of wisdom I’ve learned over the years .
Remember, I’m from South Dakota, a state many of you didn't know existed. It lies below North Dakota (as if that helps any of you place it on the map). Contrary to what you’ve heard, South Dakota has indoor plumbing, highways, and airports. The Denver to Deadwood Stagecoach stopped running years ago. You can visit the State without fear of Indian attacks. And best of all, South Dakota doesn’t have a state income tax! The American Dream is alive and well in this capitalist oasis on the northern plains.

Annie Stump, author of South Dakota's new social media tourism campaign: "Find what you Lost In South Dakota!" (Annie is still looking for her teeth. On a side note: South Dakota has a severe shortage of dentists
but you won't find a better buffalo burger anywhere)

I was raised in rural South Dakota. This is cowboy country. Cowboys have a unique, down to earth wisdom that seems to apply to anyone no matter what side of the tracks you come from. So, to get 2019 off to a good start, here is some excellent Cowboy Wisdom I've picked up over the years. Get you cowboy boots and 10 gallon hat on, play a good western CD and get ready to get yerself educated.

  • Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • Don't squat with your spurs on.
  • Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.
  • If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
  • Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
  • There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
  • Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
  • It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
  • Always drink upstream from the herd.
  • When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
  • When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

"I got a fire goin' and the biscuits are hot. I'll be waiten for ya."

Now I‘ll be plannin’ on hitching up the horse and goin’ after the strays. If ya’ll have some spare time get yer horse and come on out and help me check the fences. Bundle tight, It’ll be colder than a mother in law’s kiss out there.

Mr. Williamson

After serious, cautious consideration . . .Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2019!  It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to mess it up.

My Wish for You in 2019
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $20 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face. Finally may your tears be only those of joy.  May 2019 be the best year of your life!!!

The Imaginarium

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