URGENT BULLETIN
Two well known Disney characters successfully escaped the Disney Compound in the early hours of the morning through a crudely built tunnel. The tunnel's entrance was found under one of Frontier Land's latrines. The photo above shows the two desperate escapees outside the compound's western wall, moving toward a main road.
"How they got through the electrical fence and mine field confuses me," said one Disney security officer.
Our sources at Disney tell us that Mr. and Mrs. Mouse repeatedly applied for exit visas to visit the second happiest place on Earth in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Each application was denied without explanation. Our sources also tell us that a raid at the Mouse home this morning turned up an illegal wireless computing device.
"Late at night they were visiting a site call 'The Troubadour'," our confidential source told us. "The Troubadour is an online propaganda tool maintained by the Space Education Center. The sight is on our banned list. We also found an illegal duplicating machine and hundreds of copies of articles taken from The Troubadour. They were going to distributed them through the compound."
A warrant for their arrest has been issued. Police are on the lookout at all bus and train stations and at all major airports throughout southern California.
"It has come as a shock to all of us," said one of the Mouse family's handlers (guards). "They were always so happy and friendly, and to think of them as traitors - unthinkable!"
A substantial reward is being offered for the successful capture and return of Mr. and Mrs. Mouse - alive if possible.
Hello Troops,
We've been given strict instructions not, I repeat NOT, to enter the school for any reason barring national defense and the urgent need for the school's nuclear fallout shelter. The orders come from Central School's Office of Physical Facilities and Refuse Management (The custodians). Central's floors are being waxed this week. The only people allowed in the building, except those doing the waxing, are those with the special power of levitation. We mortals who clump along on our own two feet are barred.
This happens once a year just before the school year starts. Yes, its a bit of an inconvenience but imagine the inconvenience the Space Center is on the school's custodians, with hundreds of people in the building all summer long in camps and private missions. Roger (our custodian) has been very patient with us. Besides, no school in the district can match the shine, gloss and shimmer of Central's floors. Our custodians do a great job.
Construction on the Magellan's new brig stopped last night at 10:3o P.M. Kyle, Jon and Nate reported in by telephone. We had a bad connection but I believe they said the job was nearly finished. And there was much rejoicing in the land.
We open one week tomorrow with a day full of private missions. Talk about jumping right into the deep end. I'm hoping our staff and volunteers will be ready. I envision crowds of people waiting hungryly by the school's front door next Wednesday just waiting for them to open to let them in. It will be worse than the day after Thanksgiving in front of your local WalMart.
And now, a few items from The Imaginarium.
You never know what someone will imagine with a little help from the good folks here at the Imaginarium in Wonderland.
Parent's visiting this shop have suddenly become more mindful of where their children are and what they're doing.
Mildred Scopes spent the morning wandering through Wonderland's shops looking for something modern to wear for the opening of the Space Education Center's School Year Season. She believes it is time to change her age old look.
"I've noticed most of the staff and volunteers at the Space Center are rather young." She said before crossing the road to the Peter Pan Boutique where they guarantee to take years off your appearance through the careful application of appropriate clothing, make up and plaster (they charge by the year). "Except of course for the Director. I hear he is a real old dinosaur, a throw back to the Neanderthal. They say he walks around the place with his knuckles dragging along the floor."
Every street in Utah should have one of these signs to warn us about the "Slow" kids unable to reason correctly. Some of the kids in my neighborhood are as thick as mud. They ride their bikes, three wheelers, scooters and skateboards right down the center of the street. They dare the motorists to a duel. Let it be known that the Battlestar will not be diverted from its course by a gang of hooligans out to prove their misguided invincibility!
OK Troops. Time to stop. I've got to get up real early tomorrow morning, drive to a gas station just outside of Nephi and meet a certain couple who managed to hitch a ride from Southern California to Utah.
I'm trusting you with this information.
Mr. W.
