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Sunday, September 4, 2011

A Two Day Weekend, The Definition of Bliss for a Space Center Worker

Hello Troops,
For most people, a two day weekend is par for the course. A two day weekend is a treat unlike no other for many of us that work at the Space Education Center. We work six days a week with Saturday being the tail end of Friday's long overnight camp. At 5:30 P.M. on any given Saturday, a visitor to the Center would be amazed and bewildered by the odd assortment of pale skinned humans stumbling out of Central Elementary's darkened halls and into the sun kissed world of light and color. A visitor's inquiry about our ability to drive would be appropriate at that time.

Occasionally I'll saunter as far as the parking lot only to find my energy spent when I reach the Battlestar. The remedy is to pop the trunk and collapse onto my overnight kit of blanket and two pillows. Don't be alarmed if you drive by the school and see my open trunk with two appendages hanging over the side - one arm and leg. If you're in a weird Christian mood, feel free to stop and cover me with the blanket. I'm usually woken after dark by the wet nose of a passing dog. I always find my way home.

And Now, From Wonderland's Imaginarium to brighten your weekend.

A road sign in Denmark. I'm guessing it's a Danish thing. Cars are being signaled out from their lanes and ushered to the shoulder where several policemen and their sniffing dogs wait to inspect the car's interior atmosphere. The generators of noxious vapors deemed above and beyond Denmark's strict air pollutions standards are fined and sent on their way with a thank you and a bottle of Beano, compliments of the local Constabulary.

Once again in the lovely Kingdom of Denmark. You'll always get an interesting shot wherever you point your camera. This sign either points you to street or a village. Either way, I, for one, would be pleased as punch to live on either. How cool would it be to have Sore Badfart as your return address on every invitation or letter sent out?

"Are you coming to the party tonight?"
"Sure, where do you live?"
"Easy to find, just drive along the ring road until you get to a sign pointing to our neighborhood."
"What's your street?"
"Sore Badfart."
"Right....." spoken as the speaker slowly backs away while looking for the nearest exit.

As soon as you get your farting under control, you and your friends can gather at Denmark's famous Cafe Arsenik for good food, good drink and limited conversation (very limited once the meal has begun). It's known as that perfect place to have your last meal.

We travel halfway around the world to China for this next shot. Hummm??? Do you see what's wrong with this picture? I don't know who would be more offended, the Brits or the Germans?
Now you know why we are so concerned about the Chinese. They are the worlds next superpower. They hold most of America's debt. How did we ever let ourselves get into this position? What a sorry lot we are compared to America's previous generations.

How could I have lived as long as I have and never experienced the refreshing and rejuvenating Poo Water from springs deep under the streets of Bangkok, Thailand? Its said to have a strange mineral taste and loved by humans and animals alike. Dogs are particularly fond of PooWater so keep your bottles safely stored in your refrigerator.

I've read that PooWater is looking for people interested in franchise opportunities in the United States. Don't let this gem get by you if you've some money set aside for investing.

Speaking of dogs..... I met many a strange dog during my days as a missionary in England. I wish I would have been warned of their fondness for my leg before accepting many an invitation to "Come in and have a warm, you'll catch your death in the cold."
Perhaps it was the polyester. Who knows....

I've heard that with the Second Coming only months away (considering the Mayan Calendar predicting he end of the world on December 23, 2012) some cemeteries are putting up signs to stop the expected mass raisings of the dead.

"We're concerned with overcrowding," said the head grounds keeper at the Eternal Hope cemetery. "Seeing thousands of people poppin out of the ground will scare the snot out of the people that live around here; many of whom are elderly. The shock would be too much. Besides where are the dead suppose to go? My county handbook doesn't have a chapter on the dead raising. I say, "No thank you. Raise everyone else first, let others work out the logistics, then come back to Eternal Hope."

The solution, signs urging the angels to move along and not stop.

Dry cleaners for your clothes. Psychic Cleaners for your peace of mind, offering to help you work out your remaining issues with the dearly departed. You can't beat the price; $1.99 to iron out that final argument you had with a parent or grandparent gone on to their reward?

Welcome to the world of the future (already in practice at the Space Center). Let me state for the record how happy I am that I was born and spent my adventurous youth in a time and place far from the ever watchful eye. Being a kid is tough today. Sorry.....

A New Yorker's preparation for Hurricane Irene.

Do I hear an "Amen?" Life isn't about never making mistakes.
It's making them then learning from them.

Shall I order several of these and keep them in stock at the Space Center? I'm sure the staff would love them during our long cold winters at the Center where some of them can never stay warm enough.

And Finally, an Imaginative Approach to a few company's logos.

Have a Great two day weekend Space Center Staff! (Three days to your civilians).

Mr. W.

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