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Sunday, April 22, 2012

Shocking News from the Space Center (As one would expect. Since when has our news not been shocking?)

 Shocking News from the Space Education Center

Hello Troops,
Socking indeed.  This weekend things happened at the Space Center without your knowledge!  It is my duty as Space Center Director to report them.  We have an open door policy at the Space Center.   Our news is your news.  We hold nothing back - be it the good, the bad or the ugly.

So, hold on to your wig and give your false teeth an extra shove up because here comes the news.   

Her name is Lt. Smith.  Many of you know her as Metta from her former life as a meek, mild mannered Magellan and Voyager Supervisor and her current job as assistant warden for the girls during their overnight incarceration at a Space Center Camp.   Metta was recently made a Lieutenant in the United States Air Force!  We are talking about a real rank - a real military rank - not one of those phony Star Fleet ranks we pass around like tic tacs at the Space Center.  This rank comes with a salary, generously supplied by the American tax payer.  We are proud as punch for Metta.


Yes, Metta got her start at the Space Center and the sky is her limit.  We will follow her career with interest.

As if Metta's meteoric rise through the ranks isn't shocking enough, I must inform you of other Space Center promotions.   

Erin received a promotion from volunteer to Galileo Flight Director on Saturday.  Her Navy Blue FD Shirt was awarded by Galileo Set Director Stacy Carrol.

"Erin is unique and awesome," Stacy said during a press conference held for the world's press at the Space Center (This Troubadour reporter was the only reporter in attendance).   "She will make a fine Flight Director.  That I am sure."

"What about your other Flight Directors, like Ben and Christine.  How do they feel about sharing the microphone with this new kid on the block?"  I asked.  I could see the question took Stacy off guard.

"My flight directors WILL have no problem with Erin.  That I can guarentee," Stacy answered. "I run a tight ship.  I tell my staff what to think, what to say, what to read, what to write and what to wear.  There is no room for discent or unauthorized opinions on the Galileo."

"Is that a common practice at the Space Center?" I followed up.

"What happens in the other ships is of no consequence to us in the Galileo.  We operate on a higher plane."  Stacy stood to close the conference.  "I'll email your next questions with their answers to you, thus saving you the time to ask.  You are dismissed."  I took my pad and pencil and was escorted to the door by a black shirt volunteer with a grim young face.

"Get out while you can," he whispered as he opened the outside door and pushed me through.  "You'll thank me someday."

Congratulations Erin!  

 As if Erin's promotion wasn't shocking enough, I now give you Aliah, receiving her Voyager Pin.

Aliah was awarded her Voyager Pin by Voyager Flight Director Jon Parker in another solemn ceremony attended by the Overnight Camp staff on Saturday.  The seriousness of the occasion is seen in their faces.

Let it be understood that getting one's Voyager Pin is a testimony to one's ability to overcome obstacles so great, mere mortals have been known to break down and cry like babies.   Aliah gave a Herculean effort and beat the odds.  I was pleased for her and clapped enthusiastically.  There were others in the room not so enthusiastic.  They are the ones who bet against her in the pools and lost their money.  Sorry chaps, but that's what you get for betting against the dark horse. 

Congratulations Aliah!

What's that you ask?  Do I have any more shocking news?
Why yes I do.

 You are looking at the final survey totals for this weekend's overnight camp.  Remember, a perfect score in all surveyed catagories is 1.  The worst score is a 5.  Look at those scores!  Does "Wow!" escape your lips?  It did mine.

Josh won the day for the Odyssey.  He did well - but so did all the ships as seen above.  Congratulations to the staff and volunteers for a job well done!  The students from Cherry Hill Elementary and CASS (Provo School District's Gifted Unit) gave you the marks you deserved for giving the camp your best effort.

And Now For Something Completely Different.....

I always asked if I have a business card.  The answer is no. The reason is simple - I wouldn't know how to describe what I do for a living.  It's difficult to say "I fly a starship all day and blow up children" in a way your average politically correct American would understand in a word or two on a business card.
I'm happy to reveal a solution to my problem provided by Wile E. Coyote from the cartoon megahit The Road Runner.  May I present the artwork for my new business card.  

And now troops, moving along.....

And finally, who ever said there was nothing to be leaned from a gummy bear?

 Let's have another great week.

Mr. W.

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