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Sunday, December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas to the Space Centers Diaspora. The Long Stretch to April. Theater Imaginarium.

Merry Christmas!

     This Christmas finds our staff, retired staff, and volunteers spread out from one end of the nation to the other. Rest assured that the Admiral Emeritus of the Space Center Fleet is here in Pleasant Grove minding the base and caring for his flagship Voyager. The many simulators are enjoying a well-needed rest. Each one parked, snoozing, and waiting to be woken by a flight director at the beginning of the long stretch to Spring Vacation.

     The Long Stretch is understood by the educational community. This labyrinth of time runs from January to April; a time only interrupted by a few one-day holidays. Teachers survive the `Long Stretch' by rationing their sanity and patience into weekly packages. Each Monday one parcel of sanity is opened and inserted into the appropriate mental slot. By Wednesday students begin sensing the supply waning - demonstrated by the teacher's quivering lip and disconcerting twitch over the left eye - a warning sign that something dark and sinister is bubbling in dark places. 

The Long Stretch: January to April

     Thursday is the bleakest day of the week. It marks the end of the teacher's working supply of patience. The well is dry. This is the day teachers may, when pushed, verbally strike out at children with unleashed swords of satiric comment and bullets of snide and degrading remarks usually referencing a student's demonstrated abilities. It would not be uncommon to find teachers sticking pins into pictures of their more challenging students on a special bulletin board kept hidden from public view in most faculty rooms. These board are cursed by a practitioner of the Voodoo arts at the start of every school year. The ritual begins with an hour or so of chanting accompanied by rattles, followed by the sacrificing of a chicken (the use of a living chicken has recently been replaced with the burning of a 9 piece McNuggets meal from McDonalds; necessary to satisfy the animal rights advocates in the educational community. Although not as effective it is less messy). 
     One is reminded of the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem as you watch teachers gaze at the hundreds of pictures on the Board. The chanting, the rocking, the occasional weeping - it's are all there. Have you ever wondered why you suddenly took sick at school? Now you understand. It's our way of getting you out of the classroom before we lose it entirely.  I could tell you more but I'm taking a calculated risk sharing what I already have.  

     Friday's sanity is fueled by fumes only. 
     This is how teachers get through the upcoming Long Stretch to Spring Vacation. 
     Seriously, I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. It has been a pleasure working with the finest young adults in Utah Valley this past year both in my classroom and at the Space Centers. I'm honored that you consider the Space Centers worthy of your valuable time. I wish I could give each of you a gift but considering the cost, I offer my thanks and, upon request, a good missionary handshake. Enjoy this holiday season with family and friends and be all the more ready to come back. I've got plenty to teach still and for those of you who work in the Space Centers, a reminder that there are thousands of children waiting anxiously for their upcoming missions. Remember, there is no magic unless you make it happen!

Mr. W. 

Theater Imaginarium. 
The best gifs of the week, assiduously edited for gentler audiences, minors, and the terminally offended.
And Merry Christmas to my Renaissance Students and Voyager Club! 

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