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Saturday, February 11, 2012

News from the Central Work House for Incorrigible Youth



News from the State Central Work House
Department of Incorrigible Youth
Pleasant Grove


Warden Williamson of the State Central Work House for Incorrigible Youth authorized the awarding of medals last week and today to our incorrigible youth who've gone above and beyond their assigned tasks at the Work House.

The Central Work House on a Summer's Day
in
Beautiful Pleasant Grove




Case File: A427
Bed Number 4. General population. Galileo Ward.
Name: James
Sentence: undetermined
Social Worker: Stacy

James was awarded the Galileo Ward's medal for achievement. While unsure of his cognitive grasp of the situation, Caseworker Stacy approved the awarding of the medal.
"James has been cooperative. Something we saw little of during his first few years at the Home," she explained. "In fact, his behavior has improved to the point where we feel it appropriate to let him use a fork again."




Case File: A428
Bed Number 7. General population. Galileo Ward.
Name: Nolan
Sentence: two years
Social Worker: Stacy

Nolan was approved for the Galileo Ward's Achievement Pin.
"We all remember the explosion in the greenhouse last year," Stacy wrote in her recommendation. "Nolan has since shown signs of remorse and we feel this improvement should be rewarded. He will be given the pin and allowed access to hand soap only. The greenhouse will still be off limits along with any access to fertilizer."


Case File: A448
Bed Number 17. Special population. Odyssey Ward.
Name: Nabil
Sentence: undetermined
Social Worker: Christine

"Nabil did very well on his supervised day out last week," Christine explained in her written essay on why Nabil should receive the Odyssey Ward's Achievement medal."We stayed away from crowds. I knew he wasn't ready for them. Crowds, purses and wallets are too much for a young man with Nabil's talents."


Case File: B221
Bed Number 12. Gifted population. Odyssey Ward.
Name: McKay
Sentence: Waiting on recommendations from the Dept. of Homeland Security
Social Worker: Christine

McKay was excited to receive the Odyssey Achievement Pin during last week's assembly held before the ward's evening television time.
"The ward's computer crashed two weeks ago.
McKay was given access to the computer under proper supervision. McKay repaired the problem without attempting to access the internet. This deserves recognition."

McKay was brought to the Work House under a Federal judge's order. The near collapse of the nation's air traffic control system, while a remarkable achievement for one so young, means that McKay may be with us for quite some time.


Case File: B221
Bed Number 11. Special population. Odyssey Ward.
Name: Jordan
Sentence: Soon to be released
Social Worker: Christine

Jordan is soon to be released from the work house. His social worker thought the Odyssey Achievement Pin would be the icing on his rehabilitation cake.
"We believe Jordan will do fine in the general population providing he's learned his lesson about involving people in questionable investment practices."


Case File: C238
Bed Number 9. Special population. Phoenix Ward.
Name: Miranda
Sentence: Miranda's file is marked Top Secret by the CIA.
Social Worker: Dave

While far from trustworthy in the general population, Miranda is improving and has been released from solitary confinement. Having been in total darkness for so long, Miranda found the light in the ward too bright for her eyes. The young resident in the photograph below noticed she had put her shirt on backwards.


Miranda doesn't take criticism well and flew into a rage.


The boy is expected to be released from the Work House's hospital in two to three weeks.

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