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Friday, December 31, 2010

Dreading the Return to School Are We? A Letter from the Minister of Education.

Hello Troops,

I spoke to a few former students as I left the school today (yes, it may come as a shock, but some of us have to work for a living). They were hanging out on the playground. They were having a good time until I asked if they were ready to go back to school. Wow, talk about a mood changer. The air suddenly got dark. They described what seemed to be a concentration camp where their freedoms were suspended and they had to 'tow the mark' or else. Of course everything they said was exaggerated but it did get me thinking, and when I start thinking you'd better expect a post.

So, in the spirit of good fun, I wrote this letter to those students from the school they described to me.

Mr. W.

P.S. Thanks to for a few of the pictures below.

This message was brought to you by
The Ministry of Truth, Education and Propaganda (Minitrue).
We Think, So You Don't Have To.

A Message from
Silas T. Sludge
Minister of Truth, Education and Propaganda
Pleasant Grove

Attention All Students:

School vacation is coming to an end. As the Minister of Education I urge to put away your newly acquired distractions (given to you for no apparent reason other than you were born) and reacquaint yourselves with your textbooks and school schedules.

All students are ordered to return to our schools Monday morning displaying happy and cheerful dispositions. Of course, once the bell rings, you will immediately take your learning positions as displayed in the photograph above, taken from your Good Student Handbook issued at the start of the school year.

Any student caught in any state of semiconsciousness will be dealt with according to the rules and regulations outlined on pages 10 through 15 in your handbook. Discussions of what you did during the holiday are permitted in the common areas and cafeteria only.

Remember the sacrifice society has made to ensure you have a good school to attend. Think of your parents working day in and day out without complaining so you have this opportunity. An opportunity many children do not have. Look how tired they are at the end of their work day - all for you.

How will you thank them for this sacrifice? Will you toil forward, always forward, toward the end goal of graduation and finding a meaningful role to fill in our society? It is expected.

This is Albert Slipple. He exemplifies the Ministry's idea of a proper student. He rises early and fixes breakfast for himself, his brothers and sisters and his working parents. He does the dishes before leaving his modest apartment for the six mile walk to school. He keeps himself company on the long arduous trek by singing songs of courage and steadfastness. His grades are always top of the class. He sings in the school choir. He helps the school custodians. He works with the school's headmaster by reporting on students that have forgotten the rules as outlined in his well worn and memorized Good Student Handbook.

Delma Dropsley, on the other hand, is a student recommended for special care as outlined in your Good Student Handbook. She is often late for school and becomes distracted easily. She has been known to question the rules and has used unapproved colors in her science notebook. She has also been found on numerous occasions loitering outside one of the city's schools after school hours instead of working at home on her homework. Such behavior cannot be tolerated.

Remember, school is a happy place. It is your home away from home. It is a place deserving your love and complete and undivided attention. It is a place where you can forget who you are and focus instead on what is expected of you. It is a place where the confusion of free thinking is shackled and replaced the knowledge that we will do the thinking for you.

If you find yourself questioning this, please report your disturbing thoughts to a teacher, headmaster, custodian or lunch lady. We are here to help you be happy and have ways to help clear your thoughts from distractions. You must trust us.

Welcome Back to Where you Belong!

Silas T. Sludge

ALERT....... ALERT...... ALERT.......

You were caught snickering during the reading of this letter. This is a violation of the Good Student Handbook. You have been reported. Your misconduct number is below:

Follow the instructions as given in your certificate of misconduct. And shame on you.


Hello Again Troops,
Well, did I get it right? How many of you are feeling the dread of returning to our "mind control factories"? It's not so bad. Think if it this way - summer vacation is a mere five months away!

And how about a bit of tele from the Imaginarium to brighten this cold day? This clip comes from the Imaginarium's Comedy School. It is the kind of school where your can let your imagination run wild to produce some very clever things.

Mr. W.

P.S. Cloverleaks revealed what really happened on Millstone Road.

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