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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Waiting at the Luneville Station, and Other Things.

Hello Troops,
I'm waiting for my train at Wonderland's Luneville Station. I'm in Luneville on assignment from the Imaginarium to inspect the Luneville Inspiration Packaging Works (LIPW). The LIPW produces the mental packaging used to wrap basic Inspirations.

Inspirational packaging is different for each person. This individuality helps every Receiver believe their new Inspiration is completely unique to them.

Hackford Memes is a technician at the Ministry of Inspirations. Today he is working on a new Inspiration in the Ministry's Laboratory at the Imaginarium. Hackford is responsible for the Inspiration that resulted in several items used in your home today. Mind you, not all his Inspirations are keepers (as illustrated above), but his track record is very good.

The Imaginarium's Ministry of Inspirations issues Inspirations hoping the Receivers will act on them to make the world a better place. Sadly some Inspirations, no matter how cleverly packaged, fail to motivate the Receiver to action. Unused Inspirations are return to the Ministry, reshelved and held until another candidate appears with the abilities to act on the gift.

And now, a few items from the Imaginarium....

Get yours while supplies last! Invisibility Cloaks are a must for the start of the school year. I own one and wouldn't go anywhere without it.

A Transparent Tardis

Let's use our imaginations and change this to a mirrored Tardis. Wouldn't a mirrored Tardis be perfect for every store's clothing department. The Dr. Who fans would go bananas and buy, buy and buy (and we all know that Dr. Who fans are more intelligent than your average Joe. With more intelligence comes a higher income, and a higher income means more spending power, and more spending power means more sales, and more sales means increased profits, and increased profits mean you get rich. All because you put a mirrored Tardis in your store!)

One day, a great speaker you shall be. Backwards, you get things.

A special new beverage from 'Workers of the World Unite!' Soft Drink Works in North Korea, brewed just for people with Socialist inclinations. All Leninades come with a paper cup. You get to drink half the bottle. The other half must be poured into the cup and given to someone who doesn't have the money to buy a Leninade for themselves.

All Leninade machines are equipped with surveillance cameras to ensure that you voluntarily share your drink equally with your less fortunate Comrades. Drinking an entire Leninade yourself results in public humiliations followed by the words "Capitalist" and "Bourgeoisie" stamped on your identification cards.

A word on weather tolerance worldwide.

An Oxygen Atom's dream.

The Daily Prophet advertises Miss Umbridge's latest book by saying, "Get your copy now at Flourish and Blotts, they are flying off the shelves!" This is deceptive. They are 'flying off the shelves' because of a spell Dolores cast on each copy, not because of brisk sales.

The question is, "Are you unique and different enough to be considered irreplaceable?" If not, work on it.

It's all in how things are packaged and presented, isn't it? Wendy's comes to mind. They advertise their french fries are salted with sea salt instead of regular salt. Improved taste is what they claim. In reality, this new advertising campaign is designed to make you, the average American, think sea salt is more 'nutritious' than that common mucky salt you've used for years at home. The sea salt makes you feel better about Jumbo sizing your fries.

One customer said recently, "I used to eat a regular fry with my combo. Now I jumbo size it. The more fries I eat the better because we all know that life on Earth crawled out of the sea. Right?"

Youngsters, if you want that cool tattoo, come to the Sorry Mom Tattoo Parlor where we specialize in giving lectures as good as your mom's before we start the work. This saves her the trouble and saves you the day long lecture. We start by hesitating to give you the tattoo, then relent if you persist. Next, we insist the tattoo go somewhere hidden under your clothes, then relent if you persist. Finally, we will refuse to give you the tattoo if the picture or language is questionable, then relent if you persist.

You won't find these services anywhere else.

You'll find a marshmallow and stick next to all fire extinguishers in Wonderland. It gives you something to do while you wait for the fireman to arrive.

This Inspiration from the Imaginarium's Ministry of Inspirations actually took hold, took root and became something of a local hang out. Each booth has a computer logged on to Facebook. Each booth has a web camera so you can Skype yourself eating to everyone you know. If you dribble or spill, the video footage can be instantly uploaded to YouTube with a couple clicks of the mouse. You just might become the next YouTube sensation!

Are you Republican? Are you Democrat? Perhaps a member of the Tea Party? Might I suggest that voting alone may not be enough to solve our country's fiscal problems. In the end, the folks in Washington tend to do just what they want, regardless of what the 'simple folks back home who don't know all the facts' say. Find ways to get involved. Become vocal. Ask tough questions. Demand accountability. If we all do our part, the slaughter house might not have to be 'the end game'.
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